toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
