no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
