Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
birth control should be required to get into college
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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