he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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