I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
