We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
