Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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