i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
