He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
