trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
