Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize