rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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