that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
