Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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