he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
