Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
