I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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