My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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