I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
