I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
