kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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