I cockslap morals
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
