maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize