He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
