Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
