you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
