Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
