my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My balls are so social today.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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