The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
