Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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