I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize