Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
