White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
