I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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