I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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