When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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