She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
