thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
