I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
