you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
