Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
