My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
