yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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