okay pat passed out under dana's car
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
