i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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