Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
