i need an iv and a liver transplant
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
