Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
