i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
high people should be assigned attendants
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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