So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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