maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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