Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize