u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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