dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
