apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
