Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
