the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
