i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just found puke in my bra..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
