The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
