dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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