that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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