Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
