I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
