This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
