so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
