he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
