The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
