So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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