Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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