if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
